Difference between revisions of "Nonviolent Communication"

Latest revision as of 08:45, 17 June 2017

Nonviolent Communication

Viewing communication not as a competition but as a collaboration
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
Taught using scripts
Active listening
Observe/ Feel / Need / Request
The script is just a teaching tool rather than the words you use
Emotions are a response to thoughts
Separating thoughts and emotions
Make a request, accepting that the answer may be no
You can do it without the scripts
If people have limited cognitive empathy, can be a hard method to use

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

With self
What am I feeling?
Identify thoughts behind that feeling
Try to modulate the feeling by adding cognitively balancing thoughts
Recognize that you may be leaving out important information; Fill out your emotional spectrum and balance it out
You might have a fixation on one emotion; Often when we think that our thoughts are causing something; They are actually a rationalization after the fact. "I might just be angry because chemicals." We act differently based on the emotions we have. Be mindful of the emotions for what we do next.
We store emotional energy in our body.

John Gottam's Love Lab

Record newlywed couples in apartment
Predict over 90% accuracy whether a newly wed couple would be together 5 years later

4 horseman of the apocalypse : damage marriage

Criticism

attacking someone's character complaint OK, but avoid "who you are because what you done"

Defensiveness

Hear the other person fully, before going back into any defenses/responses

Stonewalling

Shutting down and not responding to the other person, denying person humanity and relevant

Contempt

Outwardly expressing disapproval of who someone is

What worked

Did make complaints often, but
More often they would compliment each other
Talk about when they were happy
Maintaining healthy baseline
When complaints happen, body language turn toward them, rather than away

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 * When complaints happen, body language turn toward them, rather than away
-==Discussion==
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-How do we have the full ability to do this online?
-* Am I using word that's more judgemental? or collaborative?
-Model of emotion - group therapy developed for activists
-* questioned wither he could treat emotional problems activists were having, can you separate it from the social ills?
-* at a micro level, can the group actively cultivate something vs. trying to solve the social thing around it
-* body  of emotions; repeated emotions have an effect on our body; must work  with the body to work with emotional stuff because they are part of the  body
-* Stick with the "what" and "how", rather than analyzing in real time
-what happens when "the introduction of feelings breaks all the things"
-* Tone is really important, striving for a better tone can be really beneficial
-** when tone becomes a method of invalidated
-** tremendous tool for destruction
-** tone is not an excuse for invalidation, but a tool of invalidation
-** it can be a tool for building relationships, connection
-* Neurodiversity introduces the need to build more specific mental models of who you're interacting with and the state they're in when you're interacting with them
-** NVC can be difficult between, for example, aspies and non-aspies, if the non-aspie expects the aspie to behave neurotypically
-** Ozy Frantz writes about this sort of thing from the perspective of BPD; their blog is at https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/
-*** https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2015/01/20/an-introduction-to-neurodiversity/
-*** https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/on-medicalizing-mental-variation/
-*** https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2015/01/08/what-its-like-having-borderline-personality-disorder/
-*** https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2014/12/18/mental-health-awfulness-in-the-wake-of-the-newtown-shooting/
-Refer to session notes [[Non Violent Communication for Neuroatypical]]