Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication
- Viewing communication not as a competition but as a collaboration
- Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
- Taught using scripts
- Active listening
- Observe/ Feel / Need / Request
- The script is just a teaching tool rather than the words you use
- Emotions are a response to thoughts
- Separating thoughts and emotions
- Make a request, accepting that the answer may be no
- You can do it without the scripts
- If people have limited cognitive empathy, can be a hard method to use
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
- With self
- What am I feeling?
- Identify thoughts behind that feeling
- Try to modulate the feeling by adding cognitively balancing thoughts
- Recognize that you may be leaving out important information; Fill out your emotional spectrum and balance it out
- You might have a fixation on one emotion; Often when we think that our thoughts are causing something; They are actually a rationalization after the fact. "I might just be angry because chemicals." We act differently based on the emotions we have. Be mindful of the emotions for what we do next.
- We store emotional energy in our body.
John Gottam's Love Lab
- Record newlywed couples in apartment
- Predict over 90% accuracy whether a newly wed couple would be together 5 years later
4 horseman of the apocalypse : damage marriage
Criticism
attacking someone's character complaint OK, but avoid "who you are because what you done"
Defensiveness
Hear the other person fully, before going back into any defenses/responses
Stonewalling
Shutting down and not responding to the other person, denying person humanity and relevant
Contempt
Outwardly expressing disapproval of who someone is
What worked
- Did make complaints often, but
- More often they would compliment each other
- Talk about when they were happy
- Maintaining healthy baseline
- When complaints happen, body language turn toward them, rather than away
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